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How to avoid being a victim of bullying

By Ma. Teresa Montemayor

July 29, 2018, 7:44 pm

<p>Celebrity psychologist-psychiatrist Randy Misael Dellosa says students who are victims of bullying must ask help from their parents,  teachers, guidance counselors and other authorities in school. <em>(PNA photo by Jayrome Pablo)</em></p>

Celebrity psychologist-psychiatrist Randy Misael Dellosa says students who are victims of bullying must ask help from their parents,  teachers, guidance counselors and other authorities in school. (PNA photo by Jayrome Pablo)

MANILA -- Angry and demotivated -- this is how Bea described her son, Zachary (not his real name), a year ago when he became a subject of physical and verbal bullying.

"I remember my son telling me, mommy please, I don't want to go to school anymore, I'm becoming a monster there, in his own understanding he's becoming bad because he retaliates against his bully classmates," Bea told Philippine News Agency (PNA) in an interview.

Zachary was nine years old when one of his classmates started teasing him "gay," "stupid," "annoying," and "irresponsible" during and after class hours. Later on, he also got kicked and punched repeatedly by this particular classmate.

"Zach kicks and punches back when he gets bullied, what caused him too much pain is being called irresponsible by this classmate of his because Zach is the class president and for him he is the doing his best every day to be a good and responsible leader," she said.

From being a happy and easy-going child, Zachary cried everyday for two weeks and refused to study and go to school.

"He used to be passionate about studying, he reads a lot but his mood changed when he got bullied. Minsan nakatulala tapos biglang iiyak, o kaya minsan bigla na lang siyang nanunutok sa nakababata niyang kapatid nang walang dahilan (Sometimes he's staring at nowhere then will suddenly cry, or sometimes he'll punch his younger sibling for no reason) the good thing is he told us right away that he's bullied at school so we kind of understood right away the changes in his behavior," she said.

Because of such changes, Bea and her husband decided to pull their son out of school while he goes through a process of healing from the traumatic experience.

"We removed our son out of the environment that is not healthy for him. Because we asked the teachers and the school owner for help, but we didn't get any even after meeting with them. So we decided to fix his environment first and ask God for wisdom on how we can help him cope with the bullying," she added.

Bullying is one of the many reasons which cause students to drop out of school or choose to homeschool over attending regular school. It is the use of one's influence and strength to intimidate others and force them to do what the bully wants, either verbally, physically or socially.

Bullying has become prevalent in recent years, especially on social media, prompting the passage of Republic Act No. 10627 or the Anti-Bullying Act of 2013.

The latest data on child protection from the Department of Education showed that as of December 2017, the incidence of bullying had decreased nationwide from 29,723 for school year 2015-2016 to 19,672 for school year 2016-2017.

Needless to say, some students remain easy targets of bullying inside and outside of their school premises. In connection with this, the highest incidence of bullying for 2016-2017 was recorded in the National Capital Region with 3,595 while the lowest was in Region 9 (Zamboanga Peninsula) with 113.

Celebrity psychologist-psychiatrist Randy Misael Dellosa told the PNA that bullying can happen anywhere in the school premises and its usual victims are students with meek personality.

"Students who are quite seen as passive, quiet…those who will not fight back, submissive, and won't tell anyone. They are perceived as weak characters and these are the prey for the predators. So, if you see a student who’s meek and mild and passive, he or she is a potential victim of bullying," he said.

Dellosa said victims of bullying usually show changes in their appetite and in their behavior and it is important for parents to have a high index of suspicion when they start to see such changes in their children.

"Changes in the appetite like emotional or stress eating, or loss of appetite. Always sleeping to escape from reality or unable to sleep due to overthinking. Watch out for extremes in your child's behavior, lack of motivation and lack of enjoyment for the things he used to enjoy," he added.

While bullying may not be fully eradicated in school, Dellosa said there are some things which students can do to avoid it or cope with it.

"Never keep it a secret. One reason the bully selected you is that he or she thinks you’ll keep the harassment to yourself. Empower yourself by telling adults such as your teacher, your parents, parents of classmates, your guidance counselor, your principal, prefect of discipline, security guard because these are people who will want to protect you," he said.

Instead of fighting back physically, Dellosa explained that the best thing a victim of bullying can do is to surround himself with friends who can give help and protection.

"There is strength in numbers...the bully will keep on targeting you if you remain alone most of the time...also, don't bully others just to release your anger because you got bullied, it is best that you release your anger through counseling, art or other activities," he said.

Meanwhile, Bea shared that she and her husband counseled Zachary regularly to ease the trauma brought about by the bullying. She said they often advise their son not to believe the abusive words spoken to him.

"Sa tingin ko kaya medyo mabilis ang process ng healing niya dahil kasama niya kami, saka ipinaliwanag din namin sa mga kapatid niya na (I think the reason his healing process was quicker because we're with him, we also explained to his siblings that) he's going through something and we decided not to ignore and really listen and read between the lines even if he keeps on saying at times that he's okay," she said. (PNA)

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